Jumanji

 

It's like a scene out of Jumanji up in here!  Where might you ask..........oh, just the little sanctuary that I call 'home'.  My husband and I only saved for 3.5 years, pinching pennies, rented, sold our 1st born (jk), and searched for 5 months for the perfect home, to be given the opportunity to own this zoo we call "home".  We moved in the beginning of June 2013.....and there has been an ongoing war raging in my home, I may win a battle here and there, but the war will be long and arduous, and I fear we will not be the victors.
It kind of feels like ALL of God's creatures vs. Todd Magin & Megan Nugent (yes, my hubby's last name is my first name, I'll save that for a different blog entry).  God's creatures are winning, as they are masters in procreation (we are really outnumbered), they move in packs/swarms/mates, whatever you wanna call it, and there are a variety of enemies to fight.  What's in my home???, better question, what is NOT in my home. 

We have an ant infestation that that would adequately suffice as the food supply for roughly 10 large anteaters.  These mammals would be in heaven in my home and I am considering capturing Central American anteaters and releasing them in my kitchen; as the exterminator, mouse traps, Borax, and vinegar haven't worked, just then, just MAYBE, we'd get rid of them. 

Run free Anteater....

Spiders, ohhhhh. dearrrr. Godddd. Why the spiders, what have done to deserve them?  I have been on every arachnid website trying to accurately identify the 2 million spiders that are hanging from every window sill/ceiling/corner/crevice/nook & cranny in my home.  I believe I have identified these little devils (drumroll please), it's a cellar spider......ta-da......isn't she a beaut?

Birds........I don't know where to begin?  I will be brief and say that our neighborhood is severely infested with birds.  Curious, what type, no problem, I've identified those as well.  The Common Starling anyone?

They tell me that bunnies are good at it, but I have never witnessed such procreation as what the Starling is capable of.  At any given point our yard is white from bird droppings and it is speckled with gray feathers.  They occupy a tree by the thousands, and chatter about to the point it's deafening, and this is occurring throughout our neighborhood, just THOUSANDS of them per tree.  There's been a whole lotta baby making with these little guys!  I was totally fine with them outside, but did I mention that 2 lost lovers made their way into my garage and wouldn't get out?  I was actually okay with our new garage inhabitants, until 1 flew into my home last week (I will detail that story another day).  Our rescue dog (who happened to be a previous hunting bird dog) came to the rescue and after 2 minutes got the bird out of my house.  Where was I?, just under a blanket on my couch screaming my head off, while my life was flashing before my eyes.

And then $hit got real............



Looks cute, right?  Yeah, this little rodent is cute in a field, in a cage or something, but not in my house.  It was brought to my attention yesterday that we have droppings throughout our 1st floor.  I used my trusty friend, the internet, and was able to identify these droppings as mice droppings.  I am now in my early 30s and searching excrement color, size, and shape on the world wide web, it's sad times people!  Where Mighty Mouse, or worse, Mighty Mice is/are located in my home is unknown as I type this, but we have some indications thanks to the droppings :).

So I thought.....


If I see these rodent(s), I will LOSE IT, I AM TALKING BAT-$HIT CRAZY - YOU WILL HAVE TO COMMIT ME WITH A STRAIGHT JACKET!!!!  I am in a war, so I brought out my combat boots.  I figured if the mouse/mice come running at me full speed, I will have knee-high boots to protect me (if you're going to have to fight, you might as well look good ;)).  May I present to you my combat boots (nothing but Target's finest):

I have not detailed the flies, moths, stink bugs and frogs that hang from our window screens, sneak in if I dare open to the door to exit the premises, hey, everybody wants in apparently.

I will be sure to keep you apprised on our current mouse situation.

Wish us luck!