Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Highs and Lows

Hi Friends!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!  Going to be honest, our week/holiday was pretty darn pathetic, as we all fell ill at some point, and experienced one crisis after another.  Most of the "situations" unfortunately revolved around Type 1 Diabetes......some weeks are fabulous and some weeks are super crappy, and I just need to accept that this is how it's going to be.  For every high blood sugar and for every low blood sugar, my emotions are riding the same emotional roller coaster, one moment I am confident and the next moment I am panicked and feeling insecure.  "Oh God, they (being the doctors) left me in charge and responsible for this little boy's life and he is relying on me to keep him healthy!"  Sometimes when his blood sugar is out of control, I just feel overwhelmed, I try my best, but my best will not be good enough, and I need to accept this fact, and not beat myself up over it.  As much as I have accepted this responsibility of managing Connor's blood sugar, there are days when I question all of my decisions, "was that enough insulin?", "does Connor need more carbs?", "is his long-lasting insulin the right number?", "am I doing this right????"......some days there are just more questions than there are answers.
In case you are curious as to what happened exactly, Connor contracted the same stomach virus as Chelsea last week.  Type 1 diabetics don't just "become sick", nope, their blood sugars soar and they develop Ketones rapidly, which need to be constantly checked and removed from the body through extra fluid and insulin.  I could never predict that this stomach virus would carry on from Tuesday to Thanksgiving dinner!  After being perfectly fine and eating all day on Thanksgiving day, he suddenly became ill again during Thanksgiving dinner.  I gave him a shot of insulin before his dinner & dessert.....considering the amount of carbs I counted out on his plate, I gave him A LOT of insulin.  Guess what?  Connor threw-up and refused to eat during dinner....meanwhile his blood sugar dropped rapidly and eventually hit the 30s (dangerously low).  I was yelling/pleading with him that despite his nausea he absolutely had to drink & eat something, as his blood sugar would continue to drop rapidly and we needed carbs to offset the insulin.  Lucky for Connor, his Uncle Michael came to the rescue with loads of small, bite-size candy and after about at total 45 minutes of pleading with him, Connor began to divulge on that candy.  My nerves were shot by the time we got home from Thanksgiving dinner around 9pm.....only to have his blood sugar rise around 2am to the 450s (this high blood sugar = bed-wetting & a cranky child), so the next morning I was battling high blood sugars and more Ketones.  It's this type of roller coaster that just leaves you mentally and emotionally spent, and honestly, there is no way around it and you just have to keep battling.  In the middle of this chaos, Connor was wearing his trial Continuous Glucose Monitor last week, so we were supposed to record every bite of food that he ingested, every shot, his activity level, and the exact time that each of these things occurred for the doctor to review.  It's a giant pain in the ass to record every detail, and most weeks, this would have been doable, but considering what was going on in our home, we just couldn't keep good records.  In the middle of this craziness, my daughter fell down a flight of stairs (banged her head pretty darn badly), I was recovering from my food poisoning (many trips to the bathroom for me), and my husband had to go to an Urgent Care facility for a skin infection he developed.  The night that Chelsea fell down the stairs for instance - we just plain forgot to record Connor's dinner.  I mean, all attention was on her, and my husband and I didn't write a damn thing down.  And, if you think that Tuck remain unscathed, think again........

Last week, Tuck developed what they call a "hot spot" post-grooming (I imagine they must have just nicked him with the buzzer).  I now know what "hot spot" means = your canine will scratch until they bleed profusely and WILL NOT stop until they reach bone.  I mean, what began as a tiny little cut, Tuck made into a giant sinkhole on the side of the head, and I'm pretty sure that left to his own devices he wouldn't stop scratching until he reached his skull (makes me slightly question his intelligence).  So amidst all of the craziness inside our home, I had to run out to get this little cone treasure to prevent Tuck from scratching into his brain. 

Thankfully, our weekend ended on a very good note, we have, as a family, managed to go 4 WHOLE DAYS without any crisis, this is quite remarkable for us!  I am not kidding, most weeks offer at least 2 crisis situations, sometimes it's as many as 4.  I'm also happy to say that for the past 4 days, Connor has been back to a steady, healthy blood range, but I swear my life has been shortened by 8 years due to stress.  Hahaha, if I am horribly wrinkled and grayed, and already wearing Depends at age 34, we know why, it is due to stress, so don't judge me ;)! 

As Thanksgiving rolled in last week, and after a bit of reflection, I can ecstatically state the following: we are all alive = hallelujah!, love each other with all of our hearts, and all 4 of us are able to laugh every day about how absurd life can be at times = these 3 things are the most important reasons to give thanks and be grateful if you ask me.  Everyday I am beyond thankful for these 3 blessings, and certainly had them in the forefront of my mind on a day when we are encouraged to reflect on our lives and think of all that has gone right.  I hope that on Thanksgiving, you also were given a moment to reflect, look at your life, and regardless of what has occurred, see all of the blessings and beauty that surround you as well....we all have them, but for some of us, we may have to look a little bit deeper beyond the surface, maybe even use binoculars to see them, but they are present!

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