FALLing out of Love

Have you ever watched a leaf fall to the earth?  It begins with that moment of release from its branch, when its purpose and beauty are no longer required.  Its abrupt demise is followed by a slow fall to earth in which it dances through the air.  It drifts left to right, floats gracefully as it puts on a performance as a last tribute to the tree which gave it life.  The wind determines where it will ultimately land, where its final resting place will be.  That single leaf began as a tiny bud just short 6 months prior, grew & grew, changed colors and now, in its final pigment of brown, is falling to the earth's floor, which will lovingly welcome it home.  One single leaf on a tree doesn't single-handedly create the beauty that is the tree, no, it's the thousands upon thousands of leaves that work in collaboration to give the tree its shape, its canopy, its life.  You appreciate and admire every single unique leaf, as each one served it's purpose and without it, the tree would not be complete.  The leaf's transformation and existence were short-lived, but you know that come next spring the cycle will begin again.

That one leaf had an incredible journey, and as you ponder its life you very slowly look up at the rest of your yard to be greeted by approximately 3.21 billion of that leaf's brothers, sisters, cousins and 2nd cousins twice removed.  You stop.  You stare.  You think to yourself, oh, sweet baby Jesus, these 3.21 billion leaves need to be removed, all of these leaves have made MY damn yard their graveyard.  You take a look around and appreciate how outnumbered you are.  You then begin to count the amount of trees on your property....one, two, three, six, nine, HOW THE HELL DO YOU OWN 9 TREES!?!!?  Why did we not do a tree count before putting an offer in on this house?  These once shade-providing, privacy-producing, bird-housing beauties of nature are now your enemies.  "DAMN YOU TREES!!!" you bellow, as you are now on both knees and waving your fists toward the heavens.  You then realize that you are falling out of love with the same trees that brought you so much joy all summer long.

How will you remove all of this leaf debris?  First thing is first, you pull out your trusty property survey to confirm that the large patches of grass immediately touching & surrounding your home are in fact your property.  Could there be a mistake, maybe all of this grass belongs to the county or a neighbor somehow.  Okay, confirmed, every square inch of "your yard," is in fact your yard.  Hmmm, what are the odds that a powerful rogue wind will descend upon your home and remove the billions of leaves from your yard and "conveniently place" them in your neighbors?  You imagine the conversation with neighbor Bob, "Oh, sorry, Bob, really strange that this wind-thing happened, that's really terrible luck, mother nature, you just never know what she's gonna do!"  Knowing that this 'rogue wind luck' would only occur with God's interference, you accept that He's probably too busy to assist with leaf removal, and explore other options.  After doing further research you have concluded that your HOA will NOT allow you to burn your yard as a method of leaf removal.  You also know that those HOA tyrants will be sending you a certified letter in approximately 36.2 hours if the 3.21 billion leaves aren't removed promptly.  'Prompt leaf removal' is stipulated in clause# 458.A.1.2 of your HOA documents, and you know that they're ready to pounce and fine your broke ass!  You quickly take note that you'll either need to hire 24 large-able-bodied-men to work 18 hours/day, 7 days/week to keep up with the removal....or you'll need the largest beast of a leaf-blower-sucker-upper-thing that you ever did lay your eyes on.  Also, you will want to purchase roughly 2,487 Home Depot yard waste bags to accommodate the amount of leaf debris you will be cultivating.  Your ass is as broke as a joke, but you are willing to sell your first born to get your hands on that leaf-blower-sucker-upper-contraption!  Once again you find yourself shouting, "DAMN YOU TREES AND YOUR REINDEER GAMES!", as your little fists pound away at it's bark.  They say that necessity is the mother of invention, and EUREKA!, you've got it.  You will arrange 11 large rakes abreast and weave dozens of bungee cords through the handles as to create a massive sweeping rake that can comb your yard in one fell swoop.  You will put your husband in charge of pulling this device through your yard.  Will this work?  Are you willing to buy 10 more rakes and lots of bungee cords?  No. 

It's been a love/hate relationship with these leaf dropping ba$tards.  They lovingly reduced your A/C bill all summer long, provided the shade for your summer picnics with your children, created a sanctuary for the birds that serenaded you, and now they are leaving you with more back-breaking work than a 340 acre tobacco farm.  You are now considering beaver-gnawing at them with your bare teeth to bring them down if you have to.

You take one more look around, assess the damage, and wait, you forgot to look up.................OH HELLS NO, the trees still have 80% of their leaves.  These leaves are hanging on by a thread, taunting you, you are at their mercy, you know that with one light breeze, thousands will begin their final dance to the earth's floor......your yard.  If this is only 20%, what the hell will 100% look like?  In 6 more days, you will be standing ass-deep in leaves, you also realize that you would instantly lose your 2 small children in leaves upon exiting your home.  You concede, that leaf-blower-sucker-upper-thing & 2,487 Home Depot yard waste bags will have to be purchased.  To the Home Depot you go, hello credit card! The cost doesn't matter, sanity is worth every penny, right?  You may have fallen out of love with these trees this Fall, but come next spring you know you'll be back in love.

Unplug

It was about 6 o'clock, there was a warm breeze and the smell of fall in the air.  "We will only go to that playground if you and Chelsea behave."  Connor responded, "We will Mommy, I promise!"  We embarked on our evening family walk and headed toward the W&OD Trail.  The leaves, beginning to change colors created a rainbow effect above us, and the smell from the woods was intoxicating. 
Connor, knowing where the playground is located, was sitting at the edge of the stroller seat, ready to run out as soon as we arrived.  As we slowly approached the isolated playground located a couple yards away from the trail, I saw a woman sitting on the stairs to the entrance of the playground equipment staring at her cell phone.  It took us about 3 minutes to arrive (we are slow walkers!) and I realized that she was not acknowledging us or likely to move from her location.  Considering my children would not be able to use the playground equipment, I told them that we'd continue to walk and come back in 10 minutes.  We were in front of the playground for about 2 minutes, I checked Connor's blood sugar and reassured him and Chels that we would come back.  The woman never looked up, not once.  As we continued to walk away, to my shock and surprise I saw that there was a young boy with her, he appeared to be about 6 or 7 and he stared very intently at us as we walked off.  "Hmmm, strange!" I thought, she was so disengaged from her surroundings that I had only assumed she was at the playground alone.  We walked for an additional 10 minutes and slowly re-approached the playground.  I was disappointed to see her still in the same exact position so engrossed in her phone that she never looked up to see who was arriving, again.  Connor ran to one of the 2 swings and the little boy sprinted over and pushed my daughter to the ground to get to the 2nd swing.  I wasn't mad at him because his actions told my husband and I that he just wanted attention.  I looked back at his mother who never looked up from her phone.  My husband put our son on the swing (which was very high off the ground) and was going to offer to put the little boy on the swing as well, but wanted his mother's approval.  Problem was, his mom never looked up.  We were at that playground for a total of 6 minutes.  Do you know that she never looked up.  She never even knew that the 3 children at the playground (2 of which were mine) could not use the playground equipment because she blocked the entrance, because she never looked up.  At one point the little boy said, "Hey, Mom."  No answer.  "Hey, Mom." No answer.  "Hey, Mom." No answer.  At this point my husband and I are staring at her with baited breath as she is staring at her phone.........just answer him I wanted to shout!  "Mom, I'm talking to you."  No answer. "Mom, I'm talking to you." No answer.  "Mom, can you answer me?"  At which point she finally said, "What?"  She never looked up.  The little boy boasted about something that he wanted to show her..........she never responded and she never looked up.  I was so disturbed by the whole thing that I got up from the bench I was sitting on and loudly proclaimed to my children who were just standing there (because they could NOT use the equipment) that we had to leave and go to another playground.  It didn't phase her, she never looked up.  By the time my feet landed back on the pavement of the W&OD Trail, my heart felt so heavy & saddened for that little boy.  Their very nice SUV was parked in the distance, they were both well dressed & she certainly held a fancy cell phone in her hands, and ALL that child wanted was 1 minute of her attention.  As we walked away I kept looking back and he just stared at us in silence.  He was lonely.  He was physically there with someone, not just someone, his MOM, but he was craving attention and company.  I wanted to ask this mother a thought-provoking question, if she were to invite a friend to the park, would she ignore that friend and dismiss them as if they were not worth even a minute of her time?  If the answer is "no", then why do you think that your child deserves less respect?  Just because a child can't eloquently request your attention or convey how much it hurts their feelings, doesn't mean that it doesn't. 

Let me go ahead and say this: I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE WITNESSED ANYTHING LIKE THIS, nothing even remotely close, but I wonder, is this the beginning of what will be "the norm"?  I hope this situation serves as a reminder to all of us, (myself definitely included) to the parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, nannies and babysitters, of these little people, that all they want is your attention, acknowledgment, praise, recognition for just a minute or two.  They don't need you glued to their every move for every second of every day, but just a minute or two to engage them in conversation, ask them to show you how well they can do something, laugh with them, play hide & seek, and you know what?  You will see their little spirits soar, they just want a little bit of attention. 

In this woman's defense, maybe there was something very pressing or urgent that was occurring in her life that required her undivided attention via her cell phone for a long period of time.  Maybe she is completely unaware of how her actions, or more like lack of actions, are impacting her child.  Maybe, if she were an outsider viewing the same scenario, she'd be appalled.  Maybe, just maybe, had I not witnessed this situation first-hand, I could've been this woman in a year or two, totally disengaged from my surroundings and unaware of how my lack of interest in anything but what was occurring online was affecting my children.

I grew up in a generation, and if you're reading this, so did you, that didn't have any portable electronic devices.  Our parents were not distracted with online games, Facebook, e-mail, work phone calls, Twitter, and blogs, they were at the playgrounds watching & engaging us.  They were fully aware of what was going on......they made eye contact with strangers, said "hello."  They taught us how to be polite and mannerly by setting an example; everywhere we went with them we learned the art of small chat, how to converse with adults, to not speak too loudly in public settings, and you better believe that our bad behavior was corrected.  We were taught how to introduce ourselves, how to politely ask another child his/her name and if they wanted to play.  After last night's incident, I've been pondering, if we are so frequently disengaged from our little people, then who will teach them how to be polite and engaging, how are they to learn?

Beyond our children, we are ignoring each other too!  I recently witnessed a new mother who was pushing her stroller walking behind a young man who was looking down at his phone as he was entering a store.  He was so engrossed in his phone that he literally dropped the door on her stroller.......something must have grabbed his attention because he realized what he had done and ran back to hold the door for her.  If he had just looked up from his phone and took a look around he would have seen her.  Believe you me, it is no easy feat maneuvering a stroller through a doorway trying to keep the door open, and I'm sure she was hoping for someone to help!  I worry that we are all becoming so plugged into an online world that we are losing touch with politeness and connectedness in the real world. 

I am very thankful for that mother at the playground last night, she certainly opened my eyes.  I am going to be more cognizant of how much screen-time I am engaging in everyday, especially when my children are present.  I will be sure to always make eye contact with my children, let them know how much they impress me and how loved they are.  I will always do my best to be polite to strangers, hold doors, say "hi", drive courteously with my phone out of sight..........I am going to do what we all need to do from time-to-time, UNPLUG!  Aaaannnddd, on that note, I'm closing my computer for the day, I hope that everyone has a terrific day, thanks for stopping by! :)

Smile

I woke up this morning in one cranky mood and for my children's sake I'm trying to cheer myself up!  Who the heck wants to be near an impatient & unpleasant person, I know that I don't, and I figure that they don't either.  My husband didn't get home until almost 8:30pm last night, leaving me with dinner & pre-bedtime duties = chaos and stress!  Both kids have raging head-colds and have short fuses with one another, so if you can imagine it was argument after argument, tears and more tears, several tantrums, yes, this went on for HOURS.  I was also wiping noses every minute because it's an absolute snot-fest in here, and I'm almost to the point of encouraging them to just use their sleeves (gross, I know, but I just can't keep wiping).  By 7:15pm, I contemplated locking myself in a closet, but I figured it wouldn't be the best idea considering the neighbors would hear the incessant blood-curdling screams from the children and probably would call Child Protective Services.  Sooooo, I did what any A+ mother would do.......I poured myself a very large glass of wine, said 874 prayers and dug deep to keep my cool.  I woke up this morning to our dinner dishes, more dirty laundry and a grocery list that is as long as the Great Wall of China, so I was feeling a bit overwhelmed.

To cheer up and change my sour mood, I purchased these beauties for myself home at the grocery store (Sunflowers are one of my favorite flowers!):

and baked these delicious Gluten-free chocolate chip cookies:

Sometimes a girl just needs to buy herself flowers and bake a half-dozen chocolate chip cookies (that she'll eat gluttonously) in order to smile.  I'm determined to make this a good day!  I hope that everyone has a wonderful Tuesday as well......go ahead, do a little something nice for yourself, we all deserve to smile. :)  Josh Groban sang it best........................

The Number 6

Have you ever found yourself somewhere at sometime in your life and thought to yourself, "how the hell did I wind-up here?"  There I was, in Catholic University's basketball gymnasium, in silence.  The gym was empty and the lights were dimmed.  My husband was taking our son, Connor, to the restroom.  Chelsea was running all over the massive gymnasium with reckless abandon, just enjoying the expansive space.  "Oh, I know how I landed in this random location and this point in my life, let's go back in time"...........

9 1/2 years ago I met a man that captured my heart so intensely that I knew my life could never be the same after meeting him.  The desire to spend my days and life with him were so strong that time apart from him would cause a deep ache in my heart.  Lucky for me, that man shared the same feelings and 3 1/2 years later, we were married.  Fast forward 6 years, and there I am in a semi-lit gymnasium of the college that my husband attended.  Saturday was our 6 year wedding anniversary, and we spent a part of the day at Catholic University's campus for the homecoming celebration.  My husband was a goalie for the soccer team many moons ago, and our anniversary coincided with their homecoming soccer game.  We spent Saturday like we would have spent any other day..........with our children and enjoying the company of friends.  Hands down, it was one of my favorite anniversaries to date, and we didn't do anything special, but the day sure felt incredibly special.  To spend the day with my favorite person by my side watching the children that we brought into this world enjoying themselves, was perfect!  We smiled more and held hands quite a bit and we told each other how much we loved and appreciated one another = doesn't get better than that!

Anniversaries are really amazing if you think about it, it's a celebration of 2 human beings that came together to spend their days as one.  They have to agree on big & small things in life......where to live, how to manage their finances, how to raise children, where to spend holidays, who'll clean what & when, who'll cook, and on occasion, they have to get through hardships together.  They also get to experience so many incredible joys that life has to offer together as well, from births to memorable vacations, new homes, holidays, the company of friends and family.  Every anniversary is a celebration of another year of working together as a team; you've had to put your marriage first in your life and work to make one another happy no matter what life throws at you, good or bad, you're in it together!

I frequently tell my husband that he's like a limb to me.  He gives me a hard time about referring to him as an appendage, but it really is a compliment.  Think about it, if someone asked you one morning to not use your left leg all day, you'd quickly realize a couple of things, 1) You need that leg ALL day long 2) You use that leg without hesitation and don't ask it to be there for you, you just assume & know it will be and 3) You realize all of the amazing things you've accomplished and can accomplish with the help of that leg as part of you........walking, running, kicking, hiking.  That's my husband, he's my left leg, I appreciate him everyday, but on my anniversary (the day I was asked not to use my leg), I think about how much I need his assistance to get through this life, whether it's a shoulder to cry on, someone to grocery shop, someone to love my children with me.  I also realize how much I rely on him, but never ask, I just anticipate that he'll be there for me.  Most importantly, I realize all of the amazing things that I have accomplished and will accomplish with him in my life.  He makes my life so much better!

So, on that late Saturday afternoon in the silence of the gymnasium, I was given a couple of minutes to reflect on my relationship with Todd and knew exactly how I got to this random location at this point in my life.  It was that incredible man that captured my heart 9 1/2 years ago that led me to where I am today and provided me with all that I have, and I sure am grateful for him!

This was our wedding song, and if I were asked to choose a song today, I would pick the same one without hesitation, he loves me just the way I am & vice versa!  Nobody told us 6 years ago that marriage would get better every year and that has been one of the sweetest (unexpected) treats of marriage so far.  I'm excited to see what our future holds!  Love you babe, Happy Anniversary!

Here's a picture of Chels running the gym, free at last!

Happenings

Hi All,

It's Friiiiiddddaaaayyy, whaa whaaa!!!!  Friday brings joys that I don't get to experience Saturday - Thursday.  Friday is my super lucky day to clean a majority of the house (including a couple of toilets = fun).  Today I was greeted by this when I opened the lid to clean the master bedroom toilet:

 

 

Of course my intial thought was: "Woah, my husband forgot to flush!  What the hell did he give birth to?"  Yup, I was mistaken, it's just a peach floating in the toilet (I had to grab the camera for this).  Friday is not only 'clean the house day', but I also have the added bonus of having both kids home with me all day.  This rare toilet treat was definitely the handiwork of my 1-year-old, Chelsea.  She also found time to lovingly booby-trap the kitchen by leaving dark-colored-crayons on the dark hardwood, yep, almost fell on my ass after doing the splits.  That's okay, I was greeted with produce in my toilet only 20 minutes later, certainly put a smile on my face!

 

..................and in more toilet related news:

 

What does this look like to you?

 

 

If you answered: Lysol Toilet Bowl Cleaner, then you were correct!

My children's answser: hand soap!  Yuck, yuck, and more yuck!  It was brought to my attention yesterday afternoon that they've been "washing up" with this since Monday afternoon.  It was hanging in our basement bathroom toilet to prevent it from mildewing.  I sent the 2 kids down to the basement to play each day and my son has used the restroom everyday.  Like he was taught, he washes his hands after each bathroom use, which makes me one proud mama!  Apparently, he thought that soap was hanging from the toilet and proceeded to pull it off and wash with it.  He came up on Monday smelling very much like "manly cologne."  "Is there new soap down there Connor?", I asked.  "Yes, daddy left new soap next to the sink."  I thought that perhaps it was actually one of our guests who left it during their stay over the past couple of weeks.  Yesterday, however, Connor proudly came up to tell me that he washed his hands and arms (he scrubbed up like a surgeon!).  I got hit with such a strong smell............and yes, yes, my worst fears were confirmed when 2 seconds later Chels crawled up from the basement stairs holding this nasty chemical concoction.  Chels took it a step further and had rubbed it all over her body (hey, that's what you do with soap, right?)  As much as it was amusing, I was honestly concerned about them both lathering up with this blue beauty......these cleaners have since been removed from all of our toilets.  Ay, caramba!

 

My husband and I have a weekend filled with friends, laundry and football!  Tomorrow is our 6th wedding anniversary and I think he's got something REALLY AMAZING planned ;) ;), no pressure or anything babe!  I hope that everyone has a wonderful and peachy-keen (I couldn't help myself) weekend as well!! :)

Perspective

Several months ago I read a beautiful article that briefly described a mom who drove up to a grassy area to drop her oldest daughter off for soccer practice.  The field directly across the street was literally covered in thousands of dandelions.  The mom looked at the field and thought to herself, wow, there are so many weeds, this field needs landscaping!  As she was looking at the field with disgust, her youngest daughter shouts from the back of the minivan, "Oh, mommy, look at all of those wishes, that's sooo beautiful!"  To see the field through the eyes of a child, the beauty, wonderment and promise that the field of wishes held, the mom paused for thought.  With age we become hardened, life is something we try to control, it may even be difficult to find joy in simple pleasures.........I keep reminding myself life is full of wishes OR weeds, it is MY choice how I view it.
I am working very hard on my perspective.  The past 6 months have been the absolute hardest of my life, which is saying a lot considering I haven't led the easiest of lives.  Shortly after moving to our new house, I started to become angry.  Eventually I was in a state of all-consuming, super-saturated anger.  For 3 days I walked around with so much anger in my heart and on my mind that I was unable to emotionally connect with anyone or anything.  I kept telling my husband "something is wrong, I'm not sure what it is, but I need to figure this out."  I then went into a 7 day period of "quiet", I'm sure I looked catatonic from an outsider's perspective, but I was literally figuring my life out and how I wanted to approach it.  Each day my husband would arrive home from work and for those 5 days + weekend I'd go upstairs for a long bath (sorry about the water bill, babe!).  The solitude of being in the bath was exactly what I needed to just be deep in thought, no distractions, just thoughts.  Kind of symbolic that I was cleansing my heart, mind, soul.....and body as well.  I came to many amazing conclusions during that week!  Life is hard and terrible things will more than likely keep happening, and it is my job to find the silver lining in each of those situations....the wishes, if you will.  I also realized that I was not angry at one particular person, situation or event, nope, I was angry from all that life had dumped on me, but I was only looking at the negative aspects of these 'things'.  From each of these events and situations, I grew immensely as a person and ultimately strengthened my character, but I was failing to recognize this. 
Something else.....NOBODY is responsible for your happiness, but on the other hand, NOBODY can rob you of joy....this concept is so liberating to me!  I had heard this old adage a million times, but I grew to appreciate it more and more during that week.  Nobody, or any external factor for that matter, is in charge of my happiness. On the other hand, I give nobody permission to make me feel bad about myself; they are entitled to their opinions, but what I do with negative opinions and remarks is up to me.  Hallelujah!  My only job in life is to be loving, patient and kind to others, beyond that, anybody's negative actions and beliefs will not penetrate what I know about myself, I will not allow it to.  In the past, I allowed others to dictate how I felt about myself, that is not their fault, I was the one allowing this....I was also doing this with a multitude of external factors.  For instance, in college, a mediocre grade on a test that I thought I had done well on could leave me upset for a week or 2.  I'd question my intelligence, my studying abilities, what did my future hold if I couldn't even get a great grade on a test.  Parking ticket?  This would result in me questioning how the meter ran out, how stupid could I be, I should have rushed to get back to my car!  Negative thoughts were permeating my brain all of the time.  It was this type of critical and negative thinking for most of my life that led me to the feeling of deep anger on those 3 days.  Between my own self-loathing and the hardships that life had dumped on me which resulted in self-pity, something needed to change. At a crossroads in my life, I chose the most positive path that I could see, the one lined with wishes.

Perspective Change:

Situation #1: Connor's Diabetes Diagnosis at 3 years old:
Perspective 1:  This disease causes an endless amount of stress everyday; I am always so worried about his health and don't sleep well; this disease is so expensive, it's costing us about $100.00/month.

Perspective 2:  Thank God we caught this disease before he died, many other children have died; thank God that this is a manageable disease and we have a way of keeping him alive with insulin, other parents aren't so lucky, and have children afflicted with cancer; thank goodness we have the money to afford all of the supplies to keep him healthy.

Situation #2: My husband lost his second job (income we heavily relied upon) just 5 days before closing on our house:
Perspective 1:  Oh no!  We don't have enough money to pay for our monthly expenses, we have no savings and are putting a lot of money on our credit card right now; our cars are each 8 years old and we cannot afford to get newer cars and they both need repairs.

Perspective 2:  We have enough money to pay for our mortgage, to put healthy food on the table and to pay for Connor's diabetes expenses;  I get to spend more time with my husband and have him here to help out more now that he's not working a 2nd job.  Thank goodness our cars have lasted this long, let's hope they last for another 8 years!

Moving away from a self-pitying, 'woe is me' outlook to a positive 'look at the bright side' perspective affects my mood and overall happiness.  Now, perspective 1 in both scenarios is certainly true, but if I keep repeating those negative thoughts in my head, you know what, I'm unhappy!  Knowing that I am solely responsible for my own happiness, I'm challenged to find actions/things/people/perspective that make me happy everyday.  For everything that comes my way, I'm searching for the silver lining (I sometimes have to search very hard), so I am essentially reprogramming the way that I think.  We have to make choices everyday of how we are going to view daily events, I'm concluding at 32 years old (it's taken me this long) that taking a more positive stance will improve my overall quality of life. Lastly, if something is making you unhappy, fix it!  Allowing things to linger and not making a plan of action of fixing it will leave you in a constant state of distress.

For most of us, the hardships that we've faced have made us so much stronger, and we probably haven't realized it.  It's not until we are faced with similar hardships later in life that we say, "you know what, I know how to handle this with poise and grace and it's not going to bring me to my knees this time!"  Also, due to difficult experiences, most of us have become more compassionate and empathetic people and have the ability to relate to others that may be in similar situations.  Possessing the ability to say just the right words to heal others' hearts, to connect on a deeper level, what a gift!  My Endometriosis diagnosis and eventual IVF journey has led me to connect with dozens of amazing women who have gone through similar journeys.  Would I have ever connected with these women or developed a really meaningful friendship with them without enduring those very difficult years, probably not.  I try to remind myself everyday: don't let life make your heart hard, we are here on this earth for a brief period, it's important that we continue to learn, enjoy life and love each other!  Look at the wishes!

I LOVE this quote from one of my favorite books, just like wishes or weeds, our perspective changes how we approach life.  I'd like to think that after enduring hardships and eventual growth, our souls are beautiful by the end of their journeys here on earth.......

“One time I saw a tiny Joshua tree sapling growing not too far from the old tree. I wanted to dig it up and replant it near our house. I told Mom that I would protect it from the wind and water it every day so that it could grow nice and tall and straight. Mom frowned at me. "You'd be destroying what makes it special," she said. "It's the Joshua tree's struggle that gives it its beauty.”
- The Glass Castle

How will you approach life & hardship, will it be weeds or wishes?  I hope that we all eventually see that field as wishes.........

Grievances

Hi all!  I am just getting over a stomach virus that brought me to my knees and left me weak, fatigued and cranky.  As a result of my crankiness, I have a couple of complaints, grievances if you will, that I am getting off my chest:


Dear Author-of-children-books-with-words-I-cannot-pronounce,

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US???  Let's understand something here: by the time I am getting these children to bed, I am EXHAUSTED!!!! I have been up since 7am, I have fed them multiple meals, wiped butts, listened to incessant talking/sometimes babble, have broke-up 403 fights between siblings, tried to complete 3 loads of laundry, cleaned toilets, done dishes, entertained the kids for 10 hours and now I have reached the finish line.  I am physically, mentally and emotionally spent.  I'm almost to the point of rocking myself in fetal position and methodically repeating, "make it stop, make it stop, make it stop" (I actually did that last week).  Anyways, we've bathed them, brushed their teeth, checked our diabetic's blood, gave one last snack, put on jammies and we are off to their beds!  WAHOOOO!  Mommy and Daddy are REALLY excited about the freedom & quiet that comes with bedtime!  My grand plan is to watch an episode of Mad Men on Netflix with the last bit of energy that is remaining.  I am cross-eyed and weary, but I know that only books remain on our night-time checklist, and I can do this!

My son collects 2 books from his bookshelf that he chose from our local library earlier that day, this is gonna be fun, new books to delve into!  Yes, the fun is just beginning, you author-bastards with tricks up your sleeves, you have to know I AM TIRED, and I'm grasping at the last bit of energy and mental resources that I have remaining!  I begin to read and remind myself that there are only 14 pages, "You can do this Megan, you got this girl, 14 to go!"  Nope, no you don't, 'cause some-jerk-face "author" is gonna play you for a fool.  1 sentence in and I have to pause, and think, "what the hell is this, I don't recognize this?"  I have reached a word that I have never seen before, and realize that this thing is made-up by some creative genius who doesn't have kids and thinks it's fun to string the alphabet together and make parents practice phonics.  I tell myself, Megan, you have 2 options here, you can either skip over this word, or you can go ahead and accept the challenge that this creative jerk has presented you with.  Being the competitive lady that I am, I ACCEPT THE CHALLLENGE!  Words that are completely made up and have 19 consonants and 3 vowels shoved somewhere in between the consonants = not fair, but I can do this!  There I am, sounding out the word about 9 times, la-la-la-laqu-laquy-laquyitspz......and then I practice saying the word roughly 4 times before I get it "right".  Is it really ever correct if it isn't even a real word, zzzzz-aaaa-kkkk-lll-sss-uuu-ppp-jjj.....WHAT THE HELL, THIS IS NOT A WORD, WHAT IS YOUR MOTIVE BEHIND THIS "AUTHOR"!??  Meanwhile my son is staring at me like, "I know you can do this mommy, you are so smart, don't get frustrated, you can read that word!"  I cannot lose my reading credibility with him, I will soon be his reading instructor/master, he's gotta know that I can read.  I look at his sweet face, my frontal lobe is in the process of shutting down and FINALLY, I get it right, I think.  Phew, this page only took me 2 minutes and 6 seconds of sounding a word out that doesn't exist, but I got through it!  Page 2.  There it is, another f*&&^#$$%%! word that does not exist!!!  You got me!  That's right, this creative jerk has outdone him/herself with the way they had the cover illustrated to capture my son's attention.....and of course you included all the action figure men fighting throughout the book to really win him over, damn it!  My son has held the book, loved the book and couldn't wait for Mommy to read it, yep, I realize that the joke.is.on.me!  Ah vell, I enjoy taking 30+ minutes to sound-out made-up words and not watching that episode of Mad Men.  To these authors (and you know exactly who you are), this is not funny, I am tired!  If you're gonna make-up a word, let's go with 2 or 3 letter words: examples: suw, lut, wap = fun & easy = Mad Men for mommy!!!

Sincerely,
An exhausted mommy
 

Dear Speedracer-on-my-a$$-in-the-far-right-lane,

Are you Jimmie Johnson, is that what's going on, because I am really trying to understand what you don't understand about the lane that I am located in.  The far right lane is reserved for those who are "kinda-obeying" the speed limit.  I have placed my grandma-style-driving-self over in that lane so that you have the beauty of not having to deal with me.  I am really happy driving the speed limit - 10mph over, and that's pretty much it!  One of the deterrents to speeding (besides the obvious tickets and death from a high speed collision) is that I am in a desperate need of alignment and my car shakes like crazy when I get above 65mph.  Holding onto the steering wheel is like holding onto a washing machine on spin cycle, it's not easy, so 65 and below it is for me.  I have my music playing, I'm probably singing loudly & badly and my windows are down.  I have not a care in the world, I am happy, and all of a sudden on a 4 lane interstate, there you are, on my bumper, like white on rice.  I assume the other lanes must be terribly crowded, but alas, noooo, they are empty.  It's you and me, and we are in the far right lane together, we are butt buddies.  You just won't go around me.  At this point, I am wondering if you are confused, on drugs, are 16, have an emergency of some sort, have a lower than average IQ, is it just lack of experience.....what is going on?  I'm assuming you want me to just vanish or something, but really if I had that type of vanishing power, I would not drive a car and just teleport everywhere I had to go.  So, if you could please just pass me on the left and not get so close to my car that I can see your eye color from my rearview mirror, it would be greatly appreciated!

Kind regards,
The lady in the far-right lane

Here I am (see, I'm happy):



Dear "Terrible Twos,"

You have arrived early and as always, it ain't cute!  I would issue the following warning to individuals who may have contact with my daughter over the next year:

The arching of the back when getting placed in the car seat, the throwing of objects at my face, the "NOOOs", the high-pitch screaming, and the "it's mine!, it's mine!......guess, what?  I'm really done with it all!"  The beautiful thing this time around is that I'm not as phased as the 1st time, nope, been there done that, and it's just really annoying at this point.  I used to beat myself up and think that I wasn't parenting properly and that's what caused the tantrums, or that my reactions to the tantrums was all wrong and that's why there were 7/day, did my son need an exorcism???  But nooooooo, now I know, these little people are just demonic because.  That's the real answer, it's: just because.  Not being able to communicate with words is pissing these little people off and here you are telling them what, when and how to do everything and I'm pretty sure they want to claw your eyeballs out.  "The Terrible twos": the phrase may sound cute with it's alliteration, but let's be honest, these little people can be nightmares and I'm ready to welcome age 3!

Signed,
Mama-of-a-soon-to-be-2-year-old-with-evil-tantrums